Faith kicked her feet up onto the hickory window seat her husband built and placed under the loft window years before. She rocked back in the soft, over-stuffed maroon Lazy Boy chair and stared out at the ponderosa pine forest she called her backyard.
“Why do some of us experience emotions so deep from a bottomless well while others go through life never having seen the well?”
She spoke out loud to God. She had never heard him audibly before, but maybe she would today. “What causes emotions to override reason? Seriously, I am a faithful fountain flowing freely. It doesn’t matter what the cause; the floods come in disaster, in stress, or in absolute joy. And it’s not the pretty kind either. Oh no! I’m not one of those who shed a tear, pat it dry, and continue down life’s path. Nope! Instead, I am a water spigot broken off at the wall, spewing nonstop until completely exhausted. Sometimes, I stuff a rag in the hole hoping to prevent the flow only to have the rag become so saturated that weeping begins at the most unexpected and inopportune times.”
God Collects Tears
If it’s true that God collects our tears, He must have several containers the size of Texas with my name on them. Seriously, I have no off switch. Or at least I have not yet found one.
Lost in her thoughts, Faith replayed her past conversations with a coworker, no smile, always stoic, stone-faced, Maria. She was a foot taller than Faith and out-ranked her, but that didn’t give her permission to be mean. “You’re too sensitive. You take things too personally. You wear your feelings on your sleeve. Get yourself under control.” These were always spoken in front of others, too, which made them even harder to swallow.
“Just because you don’t have feelings, doesn’t make mine wrong, Maria.” I tried to rationalize.
“Don’t try to explain yourself to me. I couldn’t care less that you choose to be led by emotions. Just don’t let it affect your work or mine.” She turned on her heel and glided into her office. She turned toward Faith as she closed the door, never taking her eyes off her until the door closed the only view between them.
Creepy! Faith shivered at the memory. Why is she so cold? What’s her story, God?
Buddy jumped into Faith’s lap bringing her back to reality. She placed both hands in his white fluffy fur, scratched the back of his head, and settled on his favorite spot just under his chin. “You don’t mind my feelings, do you, Buddy? No, you don’t. Cause you’re just the cutest white tabby kitty anyone has ever seen. Yes, you are!” She spoke to him in a silly voice and leaned in to place a kiss on top of his head.
Puuurrrr. Meow. He headbutted her forehead and rubbed his face along her chin.
Caressing his head, pressing her face into his, she continued her silly voice, “I wub you so much, Buddy!” She kissed his head and cheek several more times before her attention was drawn outside the window once again. She felt Buddy curl into a cinnamon roll on her lap. She basked in the warmth of his body and continued to subconsciously pet him while she pondered her feelings staring at the great ponderosa pines outside the window. Maybe they would provide wisdom.
“Am I too sensitive, God?” She waited but there was no response. “Is Maria right about me? I’m not sure I know how to be present with someone who has no feelings. Is that normal? Or am I normal with all my feelings? Why is she so mean to me in front of others?” She was met with more silence.
Faith had so many questions. She knew God created each person differently and for a specific purpose. So, what was her purpose? What was Maria’s?
Why did Maria deem it necessary to aim her poisonous arrows at me?
God Speaks
Love notes.
“Wait, what?” Her outburst caused Buddy to wake and stretch in her lap.
Give her love notes.
“God, this woman is mean to me. She says mean things to me in front of others. She makes me feel as if I have no value and you want me to give her love notes?”
Buddy jumped off her lap and moved to the window seat. He sat, wrapped his tail around his front paws, and stared at her as she spoke with God.
Yes
Faith hung her head low. She did not want to love this woman. She wanted God to smite her. To come down to earth and show her all His wrath. But this is a loving God. Her God wanted, above all, for His children to treat each other with kindness and compassion. “I see what you are up to, God. Not sure I’m the right choice for this assignment, I mean, have you looked at my attitude?” She breathed a deep sigh before deciding to trust God, “I trust you.” With her exhale, Faith’s attitude began to shift.
Can God use Faith with her bad attitude?
Will Faith be obedient to God?
How will Maria respond?
Stay tuned next week for part two…
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